But You’re Married! Hop for Visibility, Awareness and Equality

HAPHOBIAUMBRELLA2016-2Thank you for visiting my page today. It’s International Day Against Homophobia, Bi- and Transphobia. For more informations about participating blogs, please see the links below or go to Hop for Visibility, Awareness and Equality.





BiRaindrop-2“I’m bisexual.” I don’t say these words too often, but when the subject comes up, I usually tell people. The reactions are nearly always the same: “But you’re married.” “But you have kids.” “Are you sure you’re not simply a lesbian?” and so on. Always the same.

Usually, I just roll my eyes and say yes, I’m sure, but I thought IDAHOT 2016 would be a good time to talk about what it really means to be bisexual.

In theory, it’s quite simple: I’m attracted to men and women. (Okay, truth to be told, I’m pansexual, but the word isn’t known in German and I don’t intend to open THAT can of worms, so I’ll stick with bisexual).

Apparently, it’s not as easy, though. Most people think bisexuality is a phase or something you get rid of when you find a partner. Well, let me tell you, it’s not. Just because I’m married to a man doesn’t mean I can’t find other man attractive (I’m going to assume you do the same, even though you’re most likely only attracted to men OR women). I’m attracted to both. I can look at a man, admire his scruffy beard, his masculine looks, and I can see a woman, notice her hair, her inviting lips, her smile. It’s quite simple. It doesn’t mean I want to jump in bed with them (happily married, you remember?). Somehow, everyone assumes you’re having sex with men and women when you’re bisexual. Newsflash: You don’t. When you’re in a monogamous relationship, you don’t sleep around. Period. It doesn’t matter who you think looks nice. You don’t do it. I’m going to assume when you’re in a relationship, you don’t cheat as well. I wouldn’t, either. Sex and attraction are two completely different things.

So, when someone tells you they’re bisexual, try to understand what it means. Don’t jump to conclusions. And please don’t think it’s a phase. It’s not. I’ve been bisexual since I hit puberty. I don’t believe it will end any time soon (and I don’t want it to.)


Give away:


A book from my backlist or recent release.

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Other blogs:
B.A. Brock

Jamie Fessenden

Rory Ni Coileain

Erica Pike (M/M)

Andrew Jericho (GAY)

Tempeste O’Riley (M/M)

The Macaronis [various]

Elin Gregory [M/M]

Alexa MIlne

Nic Starr (M/M)

Evelise Archer (MM)

Sue Brown

Elizabeth Varlet (M/M, BI, NB)

Raven J. Spencer

Sharing Links and Wisdom (REV)

Lisa Horan (REV/Multi)

Archer Kay Leah (M/M, F/F, TR, NB, BI, ACE)

Alexis Duran (M/M)

Jules Dixon

R.M. Olivia

Heloise West (M/M)

Angel Martinez (M/M GAY BI TR)

Amelia Bishop (MULTI)

Moonbeams over Atlanta – Eloreen Moon (MM, REV, MULTI)

Helena Stone (M/M )

AM Leibowitz (M/M, F/F, BI, TR, NB, REV)

L.D. Blakeley (M/M, BI)

Lila Leigh Hunter [M/M, BI]

Sharon Bidwell

Nicole Dennis (M/M, ACE, M/M/F)

Lexi Ander

Barbara G.Tarn (M/M, ACE)

Kaje Harper M/M, TR, BI


JM Snyder

Dean Pace-Frech

Kimber Vale

Jacintha Topaz (BI, F/F, M/M, TR)

Prism Book Alliance® (MULTI)

Eva Lefoy (M/M, F/F, F/M/F, BI, MULTI)

Lou Sylvre (M/M)

Anne Barwell

Viki Lyn (M/M)

Sean Michael

Remmy Duchene (MM)

Sharita Lira writing as BLMorticia M/M

Barbara Winkes (LES)

Bronwyn Heeley (m/m)

L. J. LaBarthe

VJ Summers (m/m, m/m/f)

Nikka Michaels (M/M)

Caraway Carter (LGBT)


L M Somerton (M/M)

Taylor Law (GAY)

Anastasia Vitsky (F/F, TR, BI)

Draven St. James (M/M)

A.V. Sanders (GAY, ACE, NB)

Lynley Wayne

DP Denman (GAY)

M.A. Church M/M

Andrew J. Peters GAY

Dianne Hartsock MM

M. LeAnne Phoenix M/M F/F

Cherie Noel (M/M)

Chris McHart (M/M, Bi, Trans)

23 thoughts on “But You’re Married! Hop for Visibility, Awareness and Equality

  1. Thanks so much for sharing. I face similar assumptions being asexual. People get confused when I tell them that even though I am asexual, I still want to get married and have children. Like because I’m asexual, it means that I never want to be intimate with anyone, which isn’t necessarily true. I’m glad that you decided to speak out about it and help raise awareness of what it means to be bisexual.


  2. Ditto everything you said. me sighs. I can’t believe that these assumptions still exist about bisexuality, but yeah, they do.

  3. As a married bisexual as well, I get that. I’m married to a man, so I get a lot of “…. why does it matter if you like girls…??” like because I’m married, the fact I like mult genders is pointless. Sigh. 😛 It’s still a part of my identity and influences the way I see the world. Thank you for posting this!

  4. Thank you for your post. It is true we are all full of prejudices, so when people tells us something which surprise we tend to resort to all the clichés we have about the subject… that’s why sharing your experience is so important. The more we learn about these topics, the better

  5. As posted on another blog, my husband had an boyfriend for over two years before he started dating me. He is still private about this, it’s his personal life and no one needs to know. BUT it sure makes our adolescent kids confused sometimes hahaha. They sure do know that it doesn’t matter to us if they love both, are gay or straight as long as they feel loved and respected for who they are. Nice blog thanks 🙂

  6. Thanks for that. I think you’ve just helped me with a character and story I’m working on. I’ve been reading up a lot but you cut it down to the simplest terms. There’s a whole idea of ‘having to’ sleep with both sexes that research tells me just isn’t true. Trying to put something that simple across in fiction in a way that will satisfy a reader isn’t always easy, though.

  7. Great post! I really feel like I have learned so much about the sexuality spectrum through the hop!

  8. I went to a single sex school for high school and many of my friends were bisexual. It didn’t seem like something to make a big deal out of. You can’t help how you feel so. it just wasn’t something to make a spectacle about.
    humhumbum AT yahoo DOT com

  9. My daughter is bisexual and happily married to a man who has been her partner for over 10 years in total, yet she still finds both males and females attractive. I was happily married to my late husband for almost 40 years and still found other men attractive too. So why should it be fine for me to admire men but not for my daughter? We are both monogamous by nature and both have an active libido so why presume she will cheat but I won’t? It really annoys me that we still have this muddy thinking about sexuality and monogamy.
    Almost forgot to say thank you for your take on the subject. I enjoyed your eloquence on the matter.

    felinewyvern at googlemail dot com

  10. I assumed that gender and sexuality wouldn’t be so binary for so many people in the 21st century. Great post!


  11. Great post we are all human no matter who we love so we should all be treated with respect.

  12. Thanks for sharing. I’ve only really started making sure people understand my sexuality whenever it comes up rather then just blowing over it. And tho I’ve not come across outward problems I know it’s only a matter of time


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